Accept Others’ Feelings

Today is the seven year anniversary of the attacks on, and destruction of, the World Trade Center.

I was in the Trade Center on that day. I worked for a company on the 52nd floor of the North Tower (Tower One). I was at my desk when the plane hit my building. I was, obviously, fortunate to survive.

Over the course of the next six months after that terrible day, I was struck with a feeling of guilt. It’s the way I was feeling, and I didn’t understand it completely. I spoke with friends of mine, and while I know in my heart they were attempting to be supportive, certain comments they made were not as helpful as they thought they were:

“Don’t be depressed. You should feel happy you got out.”
“You shouldn’t feel that way.”
“You should consider yourself fortunate.”

Again, from the outside, these words appear to show support, but at the time, it made me feel like not only was I feeling badly, but that other people felt that the way I feel was wrong or inappropriate.

Feelings are feelings, and people feel things until, well, until they don’t feel them any longer.

My suggestion to people is that when you are trying to comfort someone, make an effort to validate their feelings, even if you don’t agree with them or understand them.

Instead of “you shouldn’t feel that way,” how about trying, “I can’t possibly understand what you’re going through, but I will be here for you.”

It’s a way to help someone just be… just cuz.

Strike Up A Conversation

We all have our own group of friends. Some friends are the key friends, and some are more distant – more of an acquaintance that we seldom get to see.

Some people don’t have that many. So why not befriend someone you don’t know. It may be while you’re waiting for the bus. Or when you’re walking through the park, you may spy a man or woman sitting alone on a park bench. Have yourself a seat. Say “hello,” “good afternoon,” or “nice day out today, isn’t it?”

You just never know how much it may mean to someone to have some verbal contact with someone else.

Meet someone new, just cuz.

Give In

Arguments
Disagreements
Confrontations
Opinions

We all have them.

I have been in many relationships with people who’s views I don’t always agree with. I am not the only one. Most of the time we can be adults and debate issues or ideas or ideals, but then there’s that one discussion that never seems to end. And when I say discussion, I mean argument.

It can be with a sibling, other family member, spouse, significant other, or even a stranger.

The topic can be anything from the best actor this year, to the pro-life/pro-choice issue.

The thing to keep in mind is that whether you’re on side A or side B, your view is not right, and it’s not wrong. It just is. And it may be different than someone else’s.

If, every time you meet a particular person, and you find yourself rehashing the same argument that you’ve had time and time again with them, just give in. Let them “win.” Not in a condescending way, but in a way that says, “You know what? I can understand you’re passionate about your side of the issue, and I hope you can understand that I am equally passionate, and I don’t think either one of us is going to budge, so let’s just agree to disagree.”

You aren’t losing an argument here, you’re winning some peace and good stuff. Just cuz.

Write A Letter (Part 3)

Have you lost touch with someone from high school or a former job? Why not hop on a search engine and try to find them. Re-establish lost friendships. There are many “address finder” sites on the internet that allow you to search by last name. The sites give you a list of practically everyone in the US that has their name and address listed in a white pages.

So find that friend who sat next to you in band class sophomore year, and send a letter out of the blue, asking how they’ve been since the last time you saw them. Contact that co-worker you used to have drinks with on Friday nights, write them a letter asking them how their kids are doing.

Think of it this way… wouldn’t it be nice for you to receive a letter from someone you haven’t thought of in years?

Bring back some nice memories, just cuz.

Well Wish A Stranger

It’s so incredibly easy, and dang it all, it’s just plain nice. I try to incorporate well-wishing phrases into my daily life. It’s throwing a little good karma into the air. Don’t be afraid to throw a big smile as you say:

• Thank you.
• Have a nice day.
• Enjoy your Wednesday.
• Have a good evening.
• Good night.
• Take care.

I hope your Wednesday goes well.

Cuz.  Just cuz.

Be The First To Say “Good Morning”

When you’re starting your day, before the barista who’s about to brew your five-shot vanilla latte (my personal favorite) notices you’ve entered the coffee house, give him or her a bright smile and hearty ”good morning” — no matter how much of a morning person you aren’t.

If coffee isn’t your thing, then try it on your bus driver, or receptionist, or donut maker, or boss.

Don’t do it because you’re supposed to or feel obligated. Do it just cuz!