Turn Envy/Jealousy Into A Compliment

I’ve done it before.  Someone has a new gadget, or an article of clothing that I would really like to have, but don’t for whatever reason.  I’m sure it’s happened to you, also.

Instead of mulling over what you don’t have, or can’t afford, why not try to celebrate the good fortune of others?

Enough of the “what’s in it for me” — you do it, just cuz…

Listen To Other People’s Views

I have this thing about the English language. I try my hardest to say what I mean. At times it means actually NOT saying something while I gather my thoughts to get it right. I have found that most people do not communicate this way. People seem to like using key phrases that they can utter at whim.

I have a suggestion. Take the time to actually listen to people. Also try to say what you want to say in your head and think about what it could mean. Could it be taken wrong.

A prime example of what I’m talking about would be the phrase “Can’t we just…” I have grown to dislike this phrase almost as much as “You shouldn’t feel that way.”

I get “Can’t we just…” statements at least four times a week. Here’s a typical scenario:

The company I work for has a standard template for our letterhead. Over the years (and before my time), people have moved away from using the template and merely formatting a blank with what they think are the margins.

I recently discovered this when someone sent me a letter for the president to sign. I pointed out that the letter would need to be two pages because when I copied and pasted the text into the approved template, it ran over by two paragraphs. The author of the letter didn’t like this.

I explained about the template, and how it works, further explaining that standard font size could be no smaller than 12 points. And this is when it happened.

“Can’t we just use 10 points for this letter? And can’t we just make the margins a little bigger?”

That really bugged me.

Saying “Can’t we just…” says to me, “I know what I’m doing, and you’re simply being difficult, so I have come up with a work-around so I can move on to other projects, and you’re making too big a deal out of this.”

Well, I did make a big deal. The letter needed to be edited down to size, fit in the template, at 12 point.

I urge you to use your best judgment when disagreeing with someone. I also urge you to discontinue all conversation that includes “can’t we just…” or something similar.

Just Cuz.

Accept Others’ Feelings

Today is the seven year anniversary of the attacks on, and destruction of, the World Trade Center.

I was in the Trade Center on that day. I worked for a company on the 52nd floor of the North Tower (Tower One). I was at my desk when the plane hit my building. I was, obviously, fortunate to survive.

Over the course of the next six months after that terrible day, I was struck with a feeling of guilt. It’s the way I was feeling, and I didn’t understand it completely. I spoke with friends of mine, and while I know in my heart they were attempting to be supportive, certain comments they made were not as helpful as they thought they were:

“Don’t be depressed. You should feel happy you got out.”
“You shouldn’t feel that way.”
“You should consider yourself fortunate.”

Again, from the outside, these words appear to show support, but at the time, it made me feel like not only was I feeling badly, but that other people felt that the way I feel was wrong or inappropriate.

Feelings are feelings, and people feel things until, well, until they don’t feel them any longer.

My suggestion to people is that when you are trying to comfort someone, make an effort to validate their feelings, even if you don’t agree with them or understand them.

Instead of “you shouldn’t feel that way,” how about trying, “I can’t possibly understand what you’re going through, but I will be here for you.”

It’s a way to help someone just be… just cuz.

Ladies First, And Gents

Back in the mid 80s I lived in Memphis with a female friend of mine. Now she was a bit of a feminist, but there were times when I think she took it too far. She didn’t like it when people held the door for her, stating “It’s condescending. I know how to open a door. I’m strong enough.”

It was a lot of negativity, and nearly 25 years later, her words still stick in my mind. I DO hold doors, but I don’t hold doors for women. And I don’t hold doors for men. When I hold doors, I’m doing it for people.

When I step to the side to let someone on the bus before me, it’s not for women or for men, it’s for people.

I think if we took the time to go the extra mile for other people, instead of other genders or races, we (and those around us) would be happier.

Even if it’s not appreciated, it’s a random act of good stuff, and appreciated or not, you are doing a good thing just cuz…

Corral Your Cart

Hurry! You’re running late! Don’t worry about the other guy. Get the best parking place. Be the first in line.

S L O W    D O W N ! ! !

Everything is fine – you don’t have to get all stressed and tense over time. Take time to do those random acts of good stuff.

When you’re in the parking lot of the local big box store, emptying your bounty into your trunk and back seat, instead of looking at the empty cart and wondering where the closest place there is to leave it, lock up your car, and take the cart back to one of the cart corrals in the parking lot.

Or if you wanna be really nice, take the cart all the way back into the store. Why? Well, why not? It doesn’t hurt you or cost you a single penny. And it makes it just a little bit easier for the next person, whether it be the employee who has to wrangle all the wayward carts back into the store, or the next customer who walks in, and sees that all the carts are out in the parking lot.

Do it just cuz.

Windshield Wiper Notes

The only time I’ve seen something stuck under a windshield wiper, it’s been a parking ticket!

Why not change that?

Next time someone does something nice, leave a short thank you note on their windshield. In fact, next time you’re driving around looking for a parking place at your nearest supermarket, making a point of Leaving Space for someone, leave a note on the car next to yours that says, “Thank you for parking far away so someone differently-abled can get a good spot.”

Just cuz…

Stop Honking…

I lived in New York City for over a third of my life (I’m now in the relatively quiet and serener Midwest).

I loved New York City. From the eclectic nature of the people from the Bowery to the Upper East Side, to the landscape of rolling grassy hills in Central Park to cobblestone streets of the West Village.

One thing I did not love, nor did I ever become oblivious to, was the honking of car horns. It became something I had to live with, but I can honestly say, it annoyed me. Now I realize that yesterday’s post was about letting go of things that annoy us, but like I said, there are some things that just make my blood boil – and near the top of that list (surprisingly) is horn honking.

It distracts me even in the Midwest, and I have found (though it’s certainly not a scientific study) that MOST of the horn honking is done out of frustration, and NOT as a warning of impending danger or doom. It seems like it’s merely a way of alerting another driver that they may have done something (or not done something) and that you saw it, and you want them to see that you saw it, and that by seeing them do – or not do – something, this makes you, the witness, a better driver than the offender.

My ultimate favorite is being stuck in traffic, you’re 13 cars behind the car that is causing the delay in traffic, so you lay on your horn. The person 13 cars ahead of you cannot hear your horn, so why honk it. Instead, turn on the radio and sing your favorite song. Being stuck in traffic is not the end of the world, and there are certainly more important things to get angry about.

I’m suggesting that you just stop it, just cuz it’s not nice, and it causes distractions, and for the most part, it’s like the boy who cried wolf story. Most people ignore the honk of the horn, and when there is cause for alarm, the horn will be ignored.

Write A Letter (Part 4)

The first day I thought about starting this site/blog, one of the things I wanted to start doing was to send anonymous well-wishes to people. And I welcome you to do the same! Here’s how it works:

Run to your local dollar store and pick up some inexpensive cards that are blank on the inside. Once a month, or week, or daily (if you have the time and gumption), write a note to someone. I’m starting with people in my office – people that I either don’t know that well, or people who appear to need a little day brightener.

The card will say something like “hello” and wishes them a little bit of happiness. I thought a cool message would be:

Here’s a wish that you make someone smile today,
and that someone does the same for you!

Make it more “selfless” by not signing your name, just sign the card “Just cuz…” and leave it on a co-worker’s desk.

Give In

Arguments
Disagreements
Confrontations
Opinions

We all have them.

I have been in many relationships with people who’s views I don’t always agree with. I am not the only one. Most of the time we can be adults and debate issues or ideas or ideals, but then there’s that one discussion that never seems to end. And when I say discussion, I mean argument.

It can be with a sibling, other family member, spouse, significant other, or even a stranger.

The topic can be anything from the best actor this year, to the pro-life/pro-choice issue.

The thing to keep in mind is that whether you’re on side A or side B, your view is not right, and it’s not wrong. It just is. And it may be different than someone else’s.

If, every time you meet a particular person, and you find yourself rehashing the same argument that you’ve had time and time again with them, just give in. Let them “win.” Not in a condescending way, but in a way that says, “You know what? I can understand you’re passionate about your side of the issue, and I hope you can understand that I am equally passionate, and I don’t think either one of us is going to budge, so let’s just agree to disagree.”

You aren’t losing an argument here, you’re winning some peace and good stuff. Just cuz.

Get Off Your Butt

Do you use public transportation? If you do, you know that during the rush hours, buses and subways can get very crowded. I had never really paid attention to the number of times I was required to stand because of a lack of seats. Well, not until a couple of months ago when I had some minor knee surgery done.

I’m a bus person. I don’t own a car, can’t afford a car, and these days, even if I HAD a car, I couldn’t afford the gasoline (what is that stuff made of these days, liquid gold?). After my knee surgery I was forced to use a cane for a month or so while the knee healed itself. I hobbled my way onto the bus, paid my fare, and about half the time, someone would offer me a seat – and I was SO grateful!

Next time you find yourself on a crowded bus or subway, and you see someone who may need to sit more than you do, give it up to them and take a stand just cuz you can.