Stand Up For Yourself

For the most part, I think our lives go pretty much uninterrupted. We tend to do the right things, make the right choices, and live a fairly normal life. That’s not to say it’s not a roller coaster ride at times, but again, for the most part, these road bumps aren’t too bad. And yes, there are those HUGE things that happen to us that are unexpected, and can be life changing. Most of the time, there was very little we could have done to avoid them, and we – thankfully – have the strength and skills to barrel through these adversities.

I think we tend to play it safe, too. And a lot of the time, it doesn’t have any adverse affect.

These are the things I would like to talk about today. Those times where we may play it safe because we don’t want to stir things up, or because we don’t want any negative attention. I’d like to think for a moment, about the other side of the coin.

Scenario

You are getting coffee in your workplace break room. When you walk in, you see a group of coworkers, smile, and proceed to get your coffee. Then you overhear someone in the group say something about a coworker that isn’t there. It’s a disparaging comment. You didn’t misunderstand it, you know that it’s a comment that should not have been made. It could be a racist comment, or a rumor about personal details of a coworker’s life, whatever, you know that it’s gossip or it’s downright wrong.

Do you ignore the comment and walk away? I mean, they weren’t talking to you, or about you. Do you still confront the group on the inappropriateness of the comment? This could brand you as a snitch, a rat, an eavesdropper. Do you take the risk?

I can’t say what to do, but it’s something to think about.

I am trying hard to stand up for what I believe. I’m not pushing my beliefs on others, but if I see or hear something that I object to, I say something – or I try very hard to muster up the courage to say something.

So why not consider it?

If someone in the coffee line makes a sexist or racist comment or tells an off-color joke within earshot, and you don’t like it, say “I’d appreciate not hearing comments like that” or “I don’t feel that’s appropriate for loud conversation.” Do not, by all means, put yourself in a dangerous situation, and don’t be confrontational, but try to help people realize that there is a time and a place for certain things – and some things there is not time and place for at all.

Just cuz…

Accept Others’ Feelings

Today is the seven year anniversary of the attacks on, and destruction of, the World Trade Center.

I was in the Trade Center on that day. I worked for a company on the 52nd floor of the North Tower (Tower One). I was at my desk when the plane hit my building. I was, obviously, fortunate to survive.

Over the course of the next six months after that terrible day, I was struck with a feeling of guilt. It’s the way I was feeling, and I didn’t understand it completely. I spoke with friends of mine, and while I know in my heart they were attempting to be supportive, certain comments they made were not as helpful as they thought they were:

“Don’t be depressed. You should feel happy you got out.”
“You shouldn’t feel that way.”
“You should consider yourself fortunate.”

Again, from the outside, these words appear to show support, but at the time, it made me feel like not only was I feeling badly, but that other people felt that the way I feel was wrong or inappropriate.

Feelings are feelings, and people feel things until, well, until they don’t feel them any longer.

My suggestion to people is that when you are trying to comfort someone, make an effort to validate their feelings, even if you don’t agree with them or understand them.

Instead of “you shouldn’t feel that way,” how about trying, “I can’t possibly understand what you’re going through, but I will be here for you.”

It’s a way to help someone just be… just cuz.

Stay In (Games)

I spoke about staying in and avoiding the heavy hit to your wallet when it comes to taking the family out for a movie. Here’s another “staying in” idea that you may have already heard of.

Plan a “Game Night” for your family. Break out those old board games and have a Monopoly Marathon. Or give a go at Gin Rummy.

Turn on some fun tunes for background noise, and have a bunch of bowls of salty snacks for the players to enjoy.

Interact with your family without breaking the bank… just cuz.

Stay In (Movies)

Everything seems so expensive these days. Taking someone to the movies will set you back fifty bucks (if you get the popcorn and drinks) and if you have kids, well, you can pretty much forget family vacations if you’re going to movies more than once a month.

Instead of dropping all that cash at the box office, how about having a family movie night yourself?

Popcorn isn’t supposed to cost $5. I think the wholesale cost of popcorn is around $5 a silo. *grin*

Stop by the DVD store, or look through your library for one that you haven’t watched in a while. Then pick up a 99¢ bag of popcorn, grab some generic root beer and a gallon of vanilla ice cream, and make a popcorn and root beer float movie extravaganza in your home!

You’ll end up having a more relaxed time, you’ll save a bucket of money on movie tickets, and you’ll have a great family time… just cuz.

Treat Yourself & A Friend

Ah, the unofficial end of summer. Fall will be here in no time, not to mention the chaos of holiday shopping.

Why not call a friend you haven’t seen in a while, and invite them for a day together. You can get a massage, go to lunch, go to a movie, just reminisce, catch up, and have fun.

You both will enjoy it.

Just cuz.

Call Your Cousin

Once again, the excuse is that we’re too busy. And for the most part this is true.

So get your date book out, I have a project for you.

Make a list of five relatives that you haven’t spoken to in a while. Schedule fifteen minutes to an hour for each relative over the next two months (that’s approximately an hour every two weeks) to call them and catch up on things. Depending on how long it’s been, you may need more than an hour!

Don’t make excuses about why you haven’t been in touch, rather be honest, and if the reason is that you haven’t made the time, then simply say, “I’m sorry, but I just haven’t taken the time to talk to you.”

It’s much more appreciated than giving a laundry list of all the tasks you perform that make them less important.

You’ll make them smile. You’ll make them laugh. You may even make them cry. But it’s a great way to connect with people that you haven’t connected with, so do it just cuz…

Kill ‘Em With Kindness

There seems to always be at least one curmudgeon in the group. I’m hoping that you are not “the one.”

As much as we try to Let Go of those feelings of angst or frustration when we have to work with (or simply listen to) these people, I truly feel it’s in our best interest to simply let it go. I know… it’s harder than it sounds.

Try going out of your way to be nice to these people. Not in a patronizing way, but rather, if appropriate, give a couple of encouraging words to them. Let them know – subtly – that you respect their negative feelings, and perhaps suggest a way that could potentially liven them up. Like visiting this site, perhaps?

Do it because it’s not a big deal, no skin off your nose to do it. You’re doing it just cuz…

Celebrate Someone Else’s Accomplishments

In this ever-competitive era, we sometimes strive to outdo everyone around us. We make it all about what we did, what we completed, how we one-upped the next guy.

Instead of concentrating on your own accomplishments, take time to give someone else an “Atta-boy/girl” comment. When someone mentions that they have finally completed a big project that has been burdening them for a while, tell them, “Way to go! I know you’ve been working hard on that for a while.”

We don’t always get to hear about the good work we’re doing, so do your part to tell someone else they did a good job, just cuz…

Give Direction

I’m busy, you’re busy, we’re all busy. In some parts of the country, we take time out to help other people pretty much every chance we can get. In other parts, people are just too dang busy!

When I was living in New York City, I was one of those “too busy” people. Many people who don’t live in New York, think New Yorkers are rude. My explanation when I have heard this from people, is to tell them that it’s not that New Yorkers are rude, New Yorkers are just late. It seemed that I was always running late for something, so when a tourist needed directions to the Statue of Liberty, I would get frustrated and either give them bad directions, or ignore them completely. (I know… how awful!)

SO… toward the end of my stay in the City, I started to make a conscious choice to slow down and be ready to help someone with directions. And if I don’t know where something is, I’ll direct them to the nearest place that I think can help them.

So try to do the same. If you see someone who looks lost, go right up and ask them if they need help, need directions, need anything. You may be in a similiar predicament and need someone to help you out, just cuz…

Read To Kids

There are many opportunities where you can share yourself with kids. Kids love to be read to, and studies have shown that… well, I was too lazy to check, but I’m sure studies show a bunch of “Good Stuff” relating to reading to children, so look for some opportunities to do so:

• In a children’s ward at a hospital.
• At a library.
• At a park pavilion.
• In your own back yard.
• At your place of worship

See? And that was just off the top of my head. So read to some kids, just cuz… it’s fun and rewarding for everyone involved.